I Did the Dang Thing

It is January 1, 2026- my first time typing out the new year! And… yesterday I left the job that I have had for over 10 years. Here I am, on the other side. What a whirlwind. I last posted here about the experience of telling my boss that I was leaving, which happened on December 1. From there, I connected with other coworkers, of which there were many, to tell them that I was leaving. I reached out to EIGHTY-FIVE people. It was actually a lovely experience- a reminder of the very good times at my company, our visits to what we called the ‘mother-ship,’ which happened at least twice a year in the first five years that I worked there (and then the pandemic hit, and then we were acquired, and then poof! The visits were gone, aside from meet-ups at conferences with others who happened to attend the same one you did. We took what we could get- but it was never the same). I wanted to reach out to others the way that I did, as it felt important to acknowledge the richness of the work that we did together, and the fun we had on those mother-ship visits and in our Skype chat, when we were able to all stay in touch and have water-cooler chats during the day. For our newer employees, I reached out as a way to emphasize that while the company didn’t prioritize our connections any longer, we DID manage to connect, through their training period and afterwards, and that for the job to be sustainable, you HAVE to find connection. You can’t live in isolation and you can’t work like a machine- right? You are a human, and humans are not machines. In some ways, reaching out to all these co-workers felt like a small act of resistance for me. One small act of resistance, multiplied by 85.

I took some time each day for about three weeks to ping people and have these small blips of communication. And then around this, the world turned in a flurry. I had several coaching classes and sessions with my coaching client in December, in the evenings after work. Work was busy with training new employees, and the company pushed hard to have employees crank out their work to wrap up Q4. I worked a Saturday evening and another evening for work. Thanksgiving was late in November which meant that this was one of those years when the Christmas rush was packed into three and a half weeks. I had sooo much to do to get ready for the holidays and absolutely no time. When your kids get older, they start staying up late, sometimes even later than you- and so the whole “I’ll wrap gifts after they go to bed” time is just non-existent. I never heard anyone else talk about this phase of parenting and how you lose these sacred moments of time in the evening hours to catch up on tasks that you can’t when your children are awake. It sort of crept up on me (especially as there are so many parts of parenting older kids and teens that I love). This time of year rolls around, and suddenly you are caught in the realization that there is NO time to catch up on your Christmas list without having an audience.

At the beginning of December, my husband performed in his very first drumming recital with other students of his drum teacher’s, which was a true DELIGHT to watch, and as he prepped for that, he was also unable to really attend to Christmas prep (*But quick side note- to see so many adults get up in front of an audience and play a musical instrument that they decided to pick up later on in life was incredibly inspirational. I felt so much joy watching everyone play in that recital!).

This is me setting up my statement that December felt EXTRA grueling this year. Despite my intention to have a mindful holiday, there I was, reaching for my phone or laptop to do rapid online shopping during every commercial break that popped up anytime we watched a Christmas movie on Disney or Hulu. We did not get a Christmas tree until December 14th, the latest it’s been for us. Our kids were like, “hey, are we doing this or not?” By then, with his drum performance over, my husband was able to pop in and get our Christmas decorations set up for us. He also planned our Christmas meals and made Christmas cookies on Christmas Eve for us to decorate. I only got Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off at work.

There are so many dishes that I like making at Christmas. The Forks Over Knives Flavor cookbook has a gorgeous purple sweet potato pie that I have made several times and am hankering for. I miss gingerbread. Not having gingerbread to eat, because none of it is vegan, is a total downer for me. There is a breakfast bake from NoraCooks that I make every year. We also always make cinnamon rolls.

This year- I could make none of these. I just…couldn’t.

And then it hit me at some point over the last two weeks that I didn’t HAVE to make anything. Or, I could still make what I wanted, it just didn’t have to be all during Christmas week. I accepted how this year’s December played out, and I accepted MYSELF for not producing the dishes that I would normally use as a gauge of having done Christmas ‘correctly.’ A wave of peace rolled over me. There was some love in that wave as well. An embrace of imperfectionism. And an invitation, that what I did not get to before Christmas, which was most of it, I could still ‘DO’ after the holiday, if it was still calling me. And this was important, because here we are now, on January 1, and I have finished my job.

I can show myself love through these dishes I decide to make. This past Sunday was a day when I could lean into this goodness. With Christmas over, I was finally able to use this extra cozy day to get a batch of cashew-based vegan cheese whipped up. It hardened in our fridge for a few days and we enjoyed it last night with crackers and apple slices. I attended a family gathering where everyone around me ate a non-vegan Victoria sponge cake, and I had no cake to be able to enjoy with them. This made me feel a sense of longing and some sadness as well- I’ll admit it- it doesn’t feel great to not be included or considered in these moments. When we got home the next day, I didn’t have time to make myself a vegan Victoria sponge, but for dinner I made us a tofu stir fry, which I slowly ingested and savored. I soothed with tofu, and it felt good. And this morning, at the urging of my daughter, I finally made our annual batch of cinnamon rolls.

I look forward to making these additional dishes over the next few weeks. Meanwhile I will ease into 2026, where I prep for a new career and get used to days without the job that I have just left. I will lean back into the ways that I accept and love myself, using that as my guide in planning what to do and make and how to fill my days. I may bake vegan gingerbread in February- if I feel like it!!! xo