There is a Middle episode for that

A friend was telling me about a recent weekend morning where she had been signed up for an 8 am exercise class for the following morning, but ended up cancelling it after her four year old implored her to, in favor of staying home and sitting on the balcony with her. Who couldn’t say no to a 4 year old with that request? So my friend cancelled out her class, stayed home, and instead of the day of peace she had been wanting, the entire family, including her 4 year old, was angsty and dysregulated.

Oh, I have been there, I told her. This is basically the scourge of motherhood. Also, there is a Middle episode for that.

Do you remember the TV show The Middle? Broadcast from 2009-2018, it follows the Heck family in Orson, Indiana– the parents Mike and Frankie, and their kids Axl, Sue, and Brick. In googling it right now, the descriptions of the show include that the family is “dysfunctional” or “semi-dysfunctional,” but having watched nearly every episode, I challenge that categorization. Were they dysfunctional, or were they just REAL?

During the pandemic, things were tense in my little household. We had a very sensitive third grader, and a very hyper-kinetic first grader, and two parents desperately trying not to lose their jobs during a tenuous period for the economy. We had many disagreements in every combination. We came together, we ruptured, we repaired, we snuggled, we fought, we cried, we repaired…it went on and on like that for many months. Also- just to remind you as a reader- we lived in a high-rise apartment. There were two straight months where my kids only ever went out onto our balcony. We were all feeling PHYSICALLY suffocated, stuck in that two bedroom apartment.

And then, one day, one of us turned on an episode of The Middle. I don’t remember which one of us it was, but within just a couple episodes, all four of us were hooked. And you know what else began to happen, magically? We all began to be a bit nicer to each other.

For that is the magic of The Middle, and what the writers of that show got so RIGHT. Each episode does such an amazing job of showing each character’s needs and desires, highlighting their frustrations and their wins, but in relationship with the other members of the family, who each also have their own needs and desires. And it is through this interplay that you empathize with each of them. You understand how infuriating it must be to be Sue Heck. You see how hard Mike Heck works, yet something in their home always seems to be broken. They seem to never be able to get ahead. And Frankie is just trying so hard to keep up appearances, to have patience, to maintain her employment (often in male-dominated spaces) while also trying to show up perfectly in their community (and “failing,” though we all see, through watching, how impossible of a goal that is, when you are juggling so much). They have a very quirky kid in Brick, Axl who doesn’t take things very seriously, and Sue, who lives as authentically as one would hope for their own child, and with such infectious joy, yet is so often passed over. And in this, they all make mistakes. They say the wrong things. The episodes are both funny and poignant. And, they make you look at your own family, at your own emotions.

For us, during the pandemic, this was our ticket back to understanding each other.

When my friend told me about her frustrating day, where she cancelled her exercise class to prioritize her family, it reminded me of the episode “Mother’s Day II” (season 2, episode 21) where all Frankie wants is to be left alone on Mother’s Day. But she ends up getting stuck doing endless house projects (testing all their batteries, fixing the toilet, defrosting the freezer), and is so upset when the family finally returns home at the end of the day and fills her in on the amazing time that they had. This destroys Frankie, the fact that the family has the day she has always wished to have with them, and so they schedule a do-over the following weekend, where she is then included. And, of course, it backfires. It is a beautiful episode, capturing such universal truths of motherhood. Moms need a break, but we also don’t want to miss anything.

Each season of the show covered all the major holidays, and that is another way that we continue to watch it now. At Christmastime, it’s become a ritual for us to gather as a family and watch every Christmas episode from each season (and they are all so, so good).

That is the essence of this post. If you have school-aged kids, if you are trying to hard to show up, if you keep comparing yourself to others, if you are just having one of THOSE days, there is an episode of The Middle to match. Go treat yourself, and know you are not alone.