Public Parking

Hello! It’s been a while since I have written a full blog post here. I have been busy getting my business set up and I have also been working on an essay about Chicago which has grabbed on to my creativity these past few weeks.

I had a moment last week where I thought, there is something more to this, and I bet I could add it to my blog. And for the past week I’ve thought- you should still blog about this. So I’m going to do this now, but guess what? I really haven’t developed this idea any further that that introductory thought. And this means… that we get to do it together!

So this is what happened. I found a street parking space right smack-dab in front of my barre studio last week before the 6 am class. Such an amazing way to start the day! It isn’t too difficult to find parking before a 6 am class, to be fair, however, the timing of the lights means that I always get stopped one block north of the studio, and then get to the next light just south of the studio right as it has turned red (and just south of that intersection is where there are parking spaces, usually ones that you can just drive forward INTO). To get a parking spot in between those two intersections shaves off several minutes, which, for a 6 am class, is significant.

So, whoop-de-doo, I got a spot.

But then, it occurred to me, as I was starting to back in, that I might be parallel parking in front of an audience. Here I was, backing into the spot, completing the action that freaked the heck out of me before my driver’s test when I was getting my license a teenager, at 5:50 am, with my brain hardly awake (that was the excuse I was going to give if I completely flubbed the entire operation), and several of my barre friends could have been sitting there watching me on the other side of the glass.

(That was when I thought to myself, Oh! There has to be a blog post that comes from this moment!)

I guess this is about…what?

A) Having to be perfect in front of others (GOD FORBID I need to reset or pull in too steep)?

B) A close cousin to option A)- Feeling like you could be judged and/or rejected in moments where you don’t do your best (GOD FORBID I should have to abandon the attempt and drive down to where I normally park where I can usually just pull forward rather than backing in)?

C) What happens when you are handed an opportunity, yet have to put yourself out there and tap into some courage to make the most of it?

D) Breathing into the discomfort that comes from having an audience AND being messy.

It’s all of these at different moments, isn’t it? I certainly feel this. “It is safe to be SEEN” is an idea that I have tapping on quite a bit these past few months as I put myself out in the world as a health coach. I am SOOO excited about this work, yet when that critical voice starts up, imagining how others might view what I am doing (through the lens of the inner critic- so imagining criticism from others), suddenly I am parallel parking in front of an audience. This is the constriction that comes my way so often, and what is it mainly based on- not just for me, but perhaps for you also, in similar moments? FEAR. Putting ourselves out there can be scary.

Last week I worked REALLY hard to hide my fear. It was just the mode I was in. But over the weekend I softened (thanks to seeing the Bluebird Improv group at the Studebaker Theater on Saturday, driving to Saugatuck, Michigan for a day trip on Sunday, and doing a lot of journaling and EFT tapping on what is coming up). This week, I see my fear but I am approaching it with so much more kindness and love. I am allowing my fear this week, and by allowing it, it’s miraculously loosened its grip.

There- that is what this blog post is about. Sometimes parallel parking in front of friends gives you useful information about your inner state. Maybe some compassion is needed.

In the end- no one was even watching me. Because that is another part of this- we tend to keep to ourselves, mostly- ESPECIALLY- at 5:50 am. And even if I had needed to make a second attempt or even abandoned it all together and found a spot further down, no one would have thought any less of me. Would you think any less of your friend in a similar situation? Of course not. And even better, we can laugh about it together, can’t we? Life doesn’t have to be this serious. We’ve all tried for a spot that we had to abandon. Huzzah for all of us being so human :)

After saying all of this- I also snapped this pic as I was leaving the studio after class. Like- look at that badass who got this parking space this morning!