In praise of Alanis

Because it’s summer and my kids are home and I am very much at the mercy of where their activities take us each day (which, as an adult who has thrived on having a to-do list for over 20 years, is hard), I find that contentment has more easily come to me when I’ve been able to receive moments that come my way, rather than being able to plan for them. I actually reached a point this past weekend where I declared that I am DONE, for now. I am done with trying to plan how to set up coaching work for myself, and I’m done with planning how to get some good writing time in (practicing radical acceptance and being available is only getting me so far). I’m tired of trying so hard, and I’m tired of the fact that ‘trying and not achieving’ then becomes it’s own ‘problem’ to feel worn out about.

Or more simply, I’m just tired.

So I’m just giving up. For now. It’s not for forever.

My daughter and I have started a 24 hour read-athon where we are focusing on reading as much as we can over the next few days (however long it takes us to get in 24 hours of reading, and of course my daughter has a timer going on this). Yesterday we read for over 6 hours and I managed to get through 1 ½ books which was a wild experience. The weather was awful with muggy heat and then torrential rain. I set my son on a schedule with his screen time and was then able to tuck away and read in my daughter’s room while rain lashed against her window. In keeping with the theme of this post, we didn’t take a lot of time to plan this. My daughter follows people on Tiktok that do these reading blitzes and we wanted to give it a try, and the weather allowed for us to make it so. And again, since I’m relinquishing control of my writing and marketing my business for the rest of the summer, I was open to it.

As a random (but maybe not totally random) aside, this morning the teacher of my Pure Barre class chose a great playlist which included a workout version of Alanis Morissette’s song “Uninvited.” And it just got me thinking of how I don’t give Alanis Morissette enough credit for her role in my life in the 1990s. As the 90s progressed and female singers started to emerge in a more polished form from how they had been in the 80s, Alanis just strode up to the mic in a t-shirt and jeans and showed us that we were all perfect just the way we were. She belted out her views of the world and expressed her anger and created space for us all to do the same. We didn’t have to fit the mould completely, did we? Nor did we need permission to be whoever we wanted to be. We could pretend to be three different people shouting out a song in a car and that was totally cool, in her eyes.

I love many of her songs, but “Thank U” is another one that found its way to me recently. These lyrics are the best:

How 'bout me not blaming you for everything?
How 'bout me enjoying the moment for once?
How 'bout how good it feels to finally forgive you?
How 'bout grieving it all one at a time?

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

Maybe I’ve needed to get to this point of no longer trying. Perhaps I’ve needed to land here for a while and just be.

And finally, and I don’t think this is related to anything, really, but I will share that as I was stopped at the light at Roosevelt and State street on my way to my barre class this morning, a really cute little rat ran across the street in front of my car. He had the walk sign, and scurried all the way from the south side of Roosevelt over to the north side, all while staying within the lines of the crosswalk. Where does one go from there, really? If a rat can vibe with the traffic patterns and go with the flow, so can I.

High-rise Wilderness