Wishful Slacker

Why the CMA's make me weepy

I keep seeing commercials for this year's Country Music Awards, which take place this Wednesday night, November 9th.  Each time the commercial airs (always catching me off guard), I come close to shedding a tear.  Literally.

Last year, the CMA's were on Wednesday, November 10th, and I watched them from our labor and delivery room at Prentice Women's Hospital.  Jim had run back home to grab our suitcase (it had given me pause, hand on the front door knob, ready to leave for the doctor's office.  Should I bring our suitcase, just in case?  Don't be silly, I said to myself.). 

It was already dark out when we left our doctor's, following his orders to go to the hospital to be induced.  The city glowed outside our hospital window, and under any other circumstances I would have looked to see the view (Jim told me later that we faced south).  I was filled with such feelings that night.  I don't think there will ever be a way to describe them, and those moments of quiet and calm, with my hands resting over my unborn child, have continued to flood my memory in the year since.  All by myself and charged with excitement and anticipation, I eventually needed a distraction.  And so I settled on watching the Country Music Awards. 

Amid the twangs and the fiddling and bluegrass beats, Jim and I text each other updates.  Me to him: Typical country music ballad- Someone young with an illness, living through their child's eyes, God watching over them, yadda yadda yadda.  Oh, btw, they just broke my water.  Him to me: Almost got double parked by a firetruck in front of our building.  Feeding cat and out the door. 

It has been a year.  I can't believe it has been a year. 

There are so many ways we have changed.  So many things we have learned.  We have a 12 month old, a little girl with her own personality, who likes to bounce and bop to music and is in love with a yellow stuffed bunny.  She is now walking and can give high fives.  How did we go from a newborn to a child who now lifts up each foot when we go to put on her socks?

I knew our newborn would not stay a newborn forever, but it sure felt like it at times.  I knew that I would eventually find myself again, how I was before our baby was born, but there were times when I felt I was doomed to a life of drawstring waistbands and hair scrunchies.  I knew that, eventually, I could re-enter into conversations with friends about topics unrelated to swaddling and diaper cream.  I knew all of this, I think.  Still, in the crazy whirl of this first year, buried in a fog of sleep deprivation, there were moments when I wasn't so sure we would ever return to "normal."

And that is just it.  We won't ever return to normal, because we now have a new normal.  My new normal is to wear a shirt with baby snot smeared on the shoulder.  But, at least my hair is done, so I move on with the day.  My new normal is stumbling into the baby's dark room in the early morning, seeing her smile from between the bars of her crib, and knowing that that is better than any extra sleep.   The mundane and simple have become bright and animated.  Look, A RED BLOCK!  A YELLOW SIGN!  THE NUMBERS ON THE ELEVATOR LIGHT UP! 

I knew none of this, sitting there in the hospital room, with the CMA's playing in the background.  I didn't know all the wonderful new friends we would make in the year, our wonderful new mom's group friends with their delightful baby boys, our daycare teachers, the other parents at Gymboree.  I didn't know how trying a new baby could be on a relationship, while at the same time making this year the best one my husband and I have ever had together.  We love our little family of three.

Back then in those late hours of November 10th I knew nothing at all.  I lay alone in the dimly lit room in the middle of the city, hand on my belly, with the knowledge that it was all about to begin. 

A Happy New Year

My sister-in-law and 5 year-old nephew spent the night with us for New Year’s.  As the Rose Bowl parade started on New Year’s morning, my nephew, who might possibly be the coolest little kid in Illinois, turned to me and said with adorable wide-eyed wonder, “those floats are soooo beautiful…”

But after an hour and a half of endless floats, marching bands, and horses, he lay squirming on his back on his couch, legs in the air, moaning, “Is it overrrr yettt?  There are too many floattttssssss.  When does football on come onnnn?”

I have to say that I agreed with him on both counts.  The baby, sucking her hand with Maggie Simpson finesse, watched her cousin’s belly flops with great interest.   

It really was not that long ago that our nephew took in his world through baby eyes.  One day, we too will have a 5 year-old, and following my sister-in-law’s example, we hope to become as amazingly efficient at helping our daughter through moments like these.  A Leap Frog game, Memory cards, and football shoulder pads were whipped in our nephew’s direction from what seemed out of nowhere.  Beth has the gift.

The other day we closed a great chapter in our lives in the completion of 2010.  I have to say that I have never had such a memorable year in all of my life.  The year started with a split pipe and water disaster in the condo- that was our January.  Then came February, and we were pregnant.  March, April, and May were the vomiting months, and by June I was finally able to lift my head away from the toilet and enjoy the news that we had a little girl on the way.  Our July and August led us on a fantastic trip to England to visit family, a vacation we will forever hold dear as it afforded us our last moments with my aunt Anne, albeit this was unknown at the time.  The remainder of August we enjoyed with my cousin visiting us here in Chicago.  After that we entered crunch time, the “do-or-die-we-have-to-get-this-place-organized-so-help-us-GOD-because-this-baby-is-coming-SOON!” months.  Then we had a baby, and the rest of November and December were spent getting to know our daughter, who is already growing so fast we can hardly keep up.

 The baby woke in her bassinet shortly before 11pm on New Year’s Eve, just before the masses in Times Square welcomed 2011 into the Eastern time zone.  We sat out in the living room before she quietly drifted back to sleep.  I could have then put her back in the bedroom, but I didn’t.  I could not bear the thought of traveling into 2011 without her snug in my arms, while 2010, the precious year of her birth, dissolved behind us.

The remaining days of my maternity leave are finite.  We already have the date set in February for my return to work.  While I will be returning part-time, two and a half days a week, Ellie’s and my days together will be changing so drastically from the ones we experienced these past couple months as new mother and fragile newborn.  Even in January, Eleanor and I already have plans written in the calendar.  Appointments requiring us to pack up the diaper bag.  Get strapped in the car seat.  Leave the house.  I will now have to trust Honda’s engineers and trusty steel more than I ever have.  When I start back to work, I will leave her with someone else, turn, and walk away.  I know it will hurt like hell.  But at the same time, it is going to be fantastic to return to my adult life.  Best of all, Eleanor and I will have our time together the remaining two and half days a week, and thank goodness for that!

One of my New Year’s resolutions is to tidy less and to leave things be as they are, including those dishes in the sink, until at least the baby has gone to bed for the night.  We might even splurge and get someone to clean the house once a month.  This is good news for the dust bunnies that like to congregate beneath the bed.  My husband hopes to start taking a few more vacation days than he has in the past.  This little girl is going to become a toddler overnight, and if we turn away for too long we may miss the transformation.  Before we know it, we will be the ones playing cards on the floor when the parade on TV lasts too long.  For now though, and through 2011, she’s our baby to hold.   

We wish you all a very Happy New Year and hope that the love you felt during the holidays lasts and lasts for many months to come :-)

Goodbye 2010~

One week!

One second you're in your doctor's office being told to go to the hospital for an induction of labor, and the next second you're the parent of a one week old baby!

We had a 4pm doctor's appointment last Wednesday for our weekly "will this baby EVER arrive?" visit.  Our doctor wasn't pleased with Eleanor's performance on a non-stress test and was equally unimpressed with a biophysical profile he added on after the NST.  Plus, on ultrasound she was estimated to be greater than 9 lbs (which our doctor didn't feel was accurate)!  But nonetheless, these signs, in addition to the fact that we were going to be 41 weeks pregnant and our doctor was on call at the hospital the next day, led us to a one way ticket straight to Prentice Women's Hospital.

And before we knew it, I was receiving a Pitocin drip while Jim ran home to collect our suitcase!  I began having contractions around 9pm, and we labored for 6 1/2 hours until my Pitocin-influenced contractions were coming every 1-3 minutes (I swear one of them came just 30 seconds after the previous- I swear!).  Watching and commenting on late night television was a great distraction for me, as was the clock in our room which had apparently gone awry after daylight savings weekend and was set for several hours ahead.  This ended up being great because it allowed us to track our time in 15 minute intervals without getting distracted by what time it actually was.  We focused on the minute hand pointing to 15 minutes...to 30 minutes...to 45 minutes...etc, and before we knew it, it was 3:30, I was receiving an epidural, and we were able to just chill out.  By 11 am we were pushing and our doctor stayed in the room with us for the full 2 hours we pushed.  I have to honestly say that we had FUN during those two hours of pushing based on the conversations we had with our doctor and  L&D nurse.  Jim and I demonstrated how thoroughly confused we were on the timeline of how we first met and dated, we made fun of the music playing on Prentice's meditation channel, and Jim and our doctor even discussed the Detroit Lions. 

And then Eleanor was born! 

Looking back, I am so wonderfully relieved to have had such a positive labor and delivery experience, and really would not have wanted it to have gone any differently.  The nursing staff both in labor and delivery and up on the post-partum floor were so fantastic and supportive. 

We had family visit us at home through Sunday but since then it's been Jim, Eleanor, the cat, and me, and this time has been so important for us.  Our (or my) biggest challenge has been my own physical discomfort in the week following delivery, but better that we dealt with that than any issues with the baby.  I can now happily report that I can actually sit on my bottom rather than lean on my side in bed and on the couch- progress! 

Eleanor is doing great.  Born at 8 lbs 1 oz (see, that ultrasound was wrong!), she weighed 7 lbs 12 oz at the time of discharge on Saturday and had already bounced back up to 8 lbs at the pediatrician's on Monday!  She loves to snuggle and calms very easily when she nurses.  Jim and I laugh when she gets mad- if she becomes fed up she begins to panic and lets out this high-pitched shriek as though to say, "but I want it now!" 

We still can't believe what a full-time job it is to care for a newborn!  We heard it from all of you over and over, and it's not that we didn't listen!  I guess we just didn't realize the true extent!  We had a 2:45 pediatrician appointment on Monday and I am not kidding you it took us the ENTIRE day to get ready for it,  I have a whole new respect for the families of newborns that we see at work that we require arrive for their appointments in the early morning.  I took a quick bath yesterday morning and used the opportunity to relax a bit when suddenly it was like "Oh my goodness I need to pump NOW and her diaper needs changing NOW and the short term disability office is going to be calling my cell phone any minute!"  My respect for our friends with multiple children has tripled.  Heck- make that quadrupled! 

Saying that, these past 7 days have been better than Jim and I could have ever imagined and we still can't help but stare at this baby throughout the day and night.  With Eleanor sleeping on my chest the time just melts away, and there is no moment better than that!

What ya gonna do but shop?

I'm starting to take some days off from work here and there, now that I am 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant and bursting at the seams.  The squeal coming from my joints every time I stood up is really what propelled this action.  And, what do you know, but over the weekend I actually felt so much better after having stayed off my feet for most of Friday!  My sisters visited me on Saturday and said, completely unprompted, "Well, your ankles and your feet aren't swollen!"

All my friends in Chicago know that I've been clomping around like a sumo wrestler for months now with what seem like the largest ankles in the city.  And just after one day off, they became normal again. 

I've stayed home again today but will plan on heading back in tomorrow.  The most frustrating part of this journey is that this kid is going to make her appearance whenever she damn well pleases (sorry to sound so harsh, my sweet little baby of mine).  If I knew that I could go into labor tonight, for example, I would do everything I could to sleep all...day...long today.  But if nothing happens tonight, then I'll be up all night since I slept all day!  It's a delicate balance I'm trying to maintain here.

I wanted to share one thing I have become somewhat addicted to during these last couple weeks of reduced activity.  I partially blame my friend Michelle for this, since she got me jumpstarted on this path :-)  Anyways, just like they have Groupon.com and other discounted websites for adults, there are also a plethera of discounted websites for babies and kids.  And they all have that "OMGwehavethebestdealnowbutitwon'tlastforlong!!!!!!!" feeling.  It's exhilarating.  Some offer one special per day that quickly sells out if you don't grab it, others offer up a new special once the previous one sells out. 

I've been pretty good about it and have not overly abused our checkbook.  But I've also gotten some awesome stuff!  Like the Woombie, a Swaddlebee econappi and Grandma El's products, all at about a 50% discount from the retail value.

Here are some of the sites I recommend, if any of you wish to fall into a similar addiction.  Let me know if you're aware of any others!

Baby Half Off

Baby Steals and Kid Steals

mama loot
(Chicago-based)

Mama Bargains

Green Baby Bargains

Eco Baby Buys

Happy Halloween!

Our Halloween evening has consisted of...

A little bit of baby practice....


And the closest to a Halloween costume as I could get....

A year of FOOD

The work on our apartment continues, though my husband has ordered me to the couch this weekend and forbidden me from lifting, vacuuming, tidying, or working on the baby's room.  He did acquiesce slightly today and allowed me the task of laundry, which I was happy to do as he drove all over the city to shop at all the places that annoy me. 

As part of our "let's make this place look AWESOME!" campaign, my husband has started getting large prints made at Costco of some of the sights from our summer trip to England and Paris.  The big risk we're taking here is getting the prints without a good plan for where to buy our frames.  THIS IS DANGEROUS.  This could result in a pile of beautiful glossy prints that will collect dust and dings and baby spit up over the next few months if we don't get on this asap.  Jim went around looking for frames today, checking out Kohls and JoAnn Fabrics and Target and Cost Plus and came up with nothing.  So....we shall hope that the magical frame-fairy pays Roscoe Avenue a visit sometime soon.

One of the ideas my husband had is for us to blow up some of our food pictures to hang in our kitchen, and he suggested that I go through my food photo archives to find some contenders today as I occupied the couch.  I learned some things through this searching.  While I enjoy taking pictures of a lot of different foods, I realized that I REALLY enjoy taking pictures of pastries.  And, coincidentally, guess which foods have given me the least amount of grief this pregnancy? Yes- pastries.  Actually, looking back there were a few weeks in the first trimester when I continuously ate and then quickly "lost" Jim's delicious banana bread.  But aside from that phase, sugary pastries have treated me well.

I must say, with a pat on the back, that I haven't overly abused this fact.  In the past week I craved a scone every morning but never bought myself one.  Okay, not that I haven't overindulged- there is a reason I am 40 pounds heavier and it doesn't all involve the full term fetus I am carrying!  A Halloween sugar cookie sits on our kitchen counter, waiting for me  as I type.  Mmmmmm...

And as an aside from pregnancy-related food affinities, there is a reason I love taking pictures of food.  It's not just about the FOOD itself, but rather the memories of where you were and what you were doing at the time you got to enjoy that item.  It's the whole experience.  The first two pictures I have posted below are from a fantastic coffee shop in the Beacon Hill neighborhood of Boston, where we settled for morning coffee during a quick weekend escape last fall.  I remember the gorgeous weather and the church book sale going on across the street, as we day-dreamed about which red brick house we would one day occupy.  

Anyways, here is my year of food :-)









Do you think, next time I blog, that we'll have a baby?  Hmmmmmm.....
Happy Halloween everyone! 

39 weeks...and on to eternity

The good news: We're 39 weeks pregnant! 
The bad news: Nothing is happening!

Our doctor today told us that based on our progress, or lack of, he would not be surprised if this turns into a 41 or 42 week pregnancy.  We discussed induction dates, with the last possibility being NOVEMBER 17th.  Thinking that el bebe could make her debut ANY day now...heck, ANY hour now, and then hearing that it could actually be THREE weeks away, yes, that's THREE, as in 1-2-3, or TWENTY ONE DAYS away, makes me start to feel a little cuckoo bananas. 

Our next door neighbors just had a baby last week.  This means that as I brood away on the couch with a hot rice sock on my lap, or what remains of a lap, to ease the feeling that my ligaments are about to snap apart, we keep hearing that sweet, sweet sound of a newborn crying.  And our very nice neighbors down the hallway who were expecting at the same time as us just had THEIR baby last Saturday.  Everyone else is having babies but us!

I've tried to reason with our baby.  Here was our conversation last night:
Me: Do you hear that baby next door?  Don't you want to come out to meet him and play?
Baby: [Nothing]
Me: If you come out soon, you'd probably be able to make it for tricks or treats... you could get some KitKat bars!  Maybe even some Better Made potato chips!
Baby: [Nothing]
Me: You will love sleeping in your daddy's arms.  Won't that be nice?  Aren't you excited to do this AS SOON AS POSSIBLE????
Baby: [Nothing]

I would have continued, but then suddenly I began craving orange-flavored pumpkin-shaped sugar cookies that I could swear I used to get my hands on during my youth.  I tried googling for a recipe but can't find one.  Does anyone know what kind of cookies I'm talking about?  Anyone? 

This child has now positioned herself along a vital nerve, so that when I take a step it feels like I've slammed my funny bone against a table, only the nerve pain starts in my groin and then shoots down each leg like a rocket.  As we were walking home this evening I felt like calling a cab to drive us home when we were 50 yards away from our building.  There was a lot of whimpering.  My skin is so stretched out by a knee or a foot or WHATEVER body part keeps poking me that it feels like it is burning.  Again, more whimpering.

Most of these pregnancy-related grievances have only just arisen in the 38th week.  The 38th week and I are not friends. 

Again, the good news- we are now 39 weeks pregnant! 

If I only knew what to do with myself for the next 3 weeks....


All the books we received at our baby shower :-)Good ole' Bowling Bunnies, from Professor Linda to the baby


   

38 weeks....

A "Feel Good" book to take to the hospital with us :-)

Click here to view this photo book larger

Full Term

Dear Baby Girl,

Congratulations sweetheart, we've done it.  If you were to be born today, you would be considered a full term baby at 37 weeks (you'll probably learn more about these technicalities in 9th grade biology class).  That's quite impressive, my dear.  Still, the doctor says that it'll probably still be a while until you make your way into this world.  I am so excited to see you for the very first time, yet I think the wait will be good for us too.  I love feeling you get stronger and pushier day by day, and I'll miss you punching your little feet into my side (you sure do like that spot!), or seeing my tummy rise and fall as you practice your breathing.  Each day that goes by is one more day for your lungs to lap up surfactant and for your little body to gain weight and become stronger (that's why I chose that corned beef sandwich last night- all for you, kiddo).  Each extra day is another for me to work on finding peace and calm inside myself, to make my arms more open to receive you when that special moment comes.  And honey, to give you an idea of the degree to which your father and I have prepared for your arrival, even the spice rack has been reorganized in your honor.

So, my baby girl, I raise a glass of milk in a toast to us- your father, you, and me.  Here's to an amazing next month as we start our life together as a family.

All my love,
Your Mom