Wishful Slacker

Ikea with a Toddler

Let me start off by saying that this excursion will be either 1) the most brilliant idea you've ever had for a family outing, or 2) the most disastrous morning you have ever had, EVER, regarding your child's level of peace and the happiness of your marriage.  I don't think there is any gray area. 

We actually tried this Saturday morning, and because our adventure actually went WELL, I decided to share our tips. 

1) Bring a list.  A list.  I repeat, a LIST.  You need to attack Ikea like you never had before.  No more dawdling, no more wandering, no more, "Oh my God, look at this!  Isn't this coollll??? This giant picture of London and a double-decker bus??? Do you think it would fit that one wall we have?  No, not that one- the one nearest the television..."

Done.  If you have this conversation at any point in your trip to Ikea with a toddler, you will be finished.

To help with your list, you must peruse their website or catalog with a very keen eye.  Wander around your home absentmindedly, whilst carrying a glass of Bordeaux.  Whatever you trip over, write down what Ikea product would offer a solution.  I was so sick and tired of the jumble of shoes at our entranceway, so help me God we needed a solution NOW. 

2)  Timing.  You must be fast when you get the slightest inkling that your child has had enough.  The thing about Ikea is the strange layout and the bottlenecks that occur.  The fact is that everyone shuffles around the escalators as though they've never seen one before, and the crowd that builds up when a shopping cart gets stuck on the little cart escalators reminds me of the dysfunctional gathering alongside the green Chicago River on St. Patty's Day.  Around the food court area it's a total congested mess.  This all adds time, and excessive time with a toddler strapped into a stationary shopping cart is not good. 

Likewise, if you are purchasing a large item, take into account that you need to come through the huge warehouse on the first floor to find the aisle and bin where it is located, and then stand around in a very unhelpful way while your husband heaves the awkward shape onto the flat trolley that you abandoned the shopping cart for.  Actually, this means that you are not being completely unhelpful, because now your task is to restrain your squirming toddler in your arms by brute force and make sure that they aren't run over by anyone after they overpower you and decide to run around. 

If you are purchasing fewer than 15 items (a first in Rhodes history), use the self checkout.  I have never seen us get through a line so quickly (line?  What line?).  By the time Jim got through the checkout, I had also managed to get Ellie to stop dancing so I could put on her coat.  Perfect timing.

And, for goodness sake!  Get there early!  It is critical!  You've been up since 6:30 anyways, there is no reason to casually stroll in at 1, which is when the whole place turns into a craft show at an old folks' home.  Our Ikea opens at 9:30.  Grab what you need, then hit the restaurant for an early lunch.  Totally manageable.

3) You need two people.  I don't know why anyone would tackle Ikea on their own ANYWAYS (who would watch the cart in the loading dock while you ran to get your car???), but you need two adults per toddler, especially when said toddler decides to crawl through all the tunnels connecting all the sample rooms in the children's area. 

4) There is a kids' playland at Ikea, but when we got there they were at capacity and the door was closed with no attendent at the desk.  There was a sign that said that the wait was 30 minutes, but it was a wooden sign so who knows how long beforehand it had been put up.  There was a second sign that read that if you left the line, you forfeited your spot.  Which meant we were dealing with either 29 minutes in a line with a toddler, or 2 minutes, or somewhere inbetween.  So that was a no go for us yesterday, unfortunately.  It looked like Ellie would have loved it based on what we could see. 

5) It's all good things from here on out.  I had to be stern in those first points, because if those fail then the trip will all go to Hell. 

Here is what made our trip to Ikea really great:

-The food.  A whole lunch with great food for $15?  Yes, please.   
-The fun sample rooms in the kids' section, especially if your child is still too young to cry when you let her play with what is there but don't bring any of it home. 
-The opportunity to fix some of the annoyances of your home and the ability to do so with a child in tow? Priceless. 
-The people watching, all the action...I think Eleanor was quite entertained. 
-And my last point, Jim and I were also entertained.  Ikea is like our version of an amusement park.  We were out of there before naptime, suffered no real tantrums (just a couple borderline fusses that forced us to get serious), and only spent $300, which was fantastic given what we bought.

Ahhh, I heart Ikea. 

P.S. This review was brought to you by a couple who don't get out much.  Follow this guide as best fits your typical relationships with other members of society




UPDATE- My sister-in-law has informed me that the Ikea playspace is actually an area where you can drop your kids OFF while you go shop without them.  There is a height requirement and they must be diaper-free.  Somehow we totally missed all of that information whilst standing nearby.  We're new at this.

So here's where we stand

Why hello there!  It makes me sad that I've had to abandon my blog in the past few weeks.  If I could compose blog posts directly from the thoughts in my head, then I would be one happy blogger.  But alas... 

I've had several challenges recently that have kept me from chilling in front of the computer or writing in a notebook.  I am now 34 weeks pregnant!  Thirty-four!  What happened to those weeks of yore in my early pregnancy when I spent much of my time within running distance of the nearest toilet?  What happened to those days when I still attempted to squeeze into my regular work pants without splitting the seams?  Our due date seemed so far away.  So, so far.  And now look!


Now our days are becoming a mad scramble of baby preparation.  We never properly set up the second bedroom when we moved into this unit last November, so it's always been "THAT" room- the room of the boxes that have no place, the room of accumulating piles of tools and magazines that you don't want to clutter the living room yet don't wish to throw away.  You shut the door- the clutter goes away.  Simple! 

But with a baby on the way, there is no more ignoring this space.  And so I started to get that "if we don't fix this room now I AM GOING TO FREAK OUT!" feeling.  I think my husband started to feel that way too- a sign that we had indeed passed into a critical situation.  We found a professional organizer (through a coupon deal at www.twobuckduck.com- a daily coupon website for Chicago businesses) and had her walk through our whole place with us.  We learned a lot from her- where to store certain items, how to better utilize certain spaces in the apartment, and how to set up the baby's room.  It was first time we ever had someone over where I didn't feel like I should clean or tidy beforehand, which was pretty nice! 

We had been planning on going to Ikea to purchase some furniture for the baby's room, but the organizer gave us great tips on how to use the closet storage that we already had.  We just needed to get the crap out of that closet before we could proceed.  That took us to the next phase, which started a couple weekends ago.  Nothing could happen until we went through and thinned out what we already had.  We emptied the closet in that room completely.  The process sent after-shocks into the remainder of the unit.  The kitchen island overflowed with the crap that spilled out of that bedroom and the junk we brought home each day that normally would have gone back IN to that bedroom.  Dirty dishes piled up in the sink (one residual pregnancy sensitivity of mine- I cannot stand the smell of any kitchen sponge we use!  Blech!).  Our clean laundry lay strewn across the dining room table for days before being folded and put away.  The wave of chaos then crashed into the living room.  It was a full on entropic assault.

I don't know about you, but when my living space becomes un-liveable, I need it fixed right away.  But we couldn't attack it right away.  This is the first free weekend we have had since July!  Our time to work on this mess was relegated to the 2-3 hours of evening time that we had after work.  But even our evenings have been busy!  And, in the third trimester, it takes a bit of extra effort to be on your feet doing housework after working an 8-10 hour day.  My daydreams of lying on the couch each evening of the last month of pregnancy, feet up with a bowl of bon bons at my side, were quashed. 

This brings us to this weekend.  This is the weekend when we will take on the offensive front in this battle.  The pile for Salvation Army is growing.  Baby clothes are washed and waiting to be put away.  Our newly-purchased shelving system and storage containers are practically leaping off the wood floor in earnest, waiting to be used.

With all of this discussion, why am I still sitting on the couch typing?  There is work to be done!  Remind me that I need to blog more.  I have to post about our lovely baby shower thrown for us last weekend in Michigan, the deals I've found on baby stuff, and how the joints in my hands are now so swollen and painful every morning that I must avoid tasks involving utilization of fine motor skills (just when I was coming close to finishing knitting that pair of socks for myself- rats!).  And don't even get me started on our lack of food or meals to eat.  God bless leftover Thai food!

Winter's Cruelty- aka, the hotter the shower, the drier the skin

I have the winter itch.  The colder the temps, the more I itch.  The colder I feel, the longer I stand in a steamy hot shower.  And the longer and hotter the shower, the more I itch.  How is this fair?

In our new apartment, we have one of the most amazing showers I have ever seen in my life.  Do you see all those shower heads?  When our lease is up, I may handcuff myself to the towel bar.  I love me a hot shower or bath.  Sometimes during the day when I am cold, I imagine myself walking around wearing a large box full of hot water.  An opaque portable bath of sorts.

To be totally honest, my wish for this portable bath was a desire of yesterday.  In actuality, I really haven't been very cold during the day recently, mainly because I am now addicted to my long johns.  I bought a pair of long underwear from REI last year, and it was probably the best $30 I've ever spent.  They are thin and breathable and the best accessory ever invented.  I've become so addicted, that even after the temps creep back up into the 20's and 30's, I can't take them off.  If I leave without them, it feels like the tundra.  I almost accidentally wore them to my pedicure last Saturday. 

So, back to dry skin.  When we were at Ikea last month, we were surprised to see that they have come out with a line of toiletries- body and hand lotion, and shampoo and conditioner.  Having left my chapstick at home, I had hoped with all my might that there was new Ikea chapstick, but I was not that lucky!  All of their products seemed to be very decently priced at less than $3.  We bought a body lotion to try out, and I have to say that we've been very pleased with it.  It is pretty thick and is fairly quick-drying.  I would definitely buy some more in the future, but Jim and I have forbidden ourselves to return to Ikea for at least a few months! 

 While I love finding nice lotions and other toiletries for cheap, I've also discovered a deep down desire to splurge every so often.  We took a Chicago staycation last spring and stayed at the Hotel Monaco downtown.  If I could, I'd say that it's the best hotel in Chicago.  But I am far from having been in every hotel in the city, so therefore this is a claim I cannot support.  You get the idea though, I loved this hotel.  The soap freebies at this place were L'Occitane products, the verbena scent.  Oh they were just lovely.  The scent is so fresh and lemon-y.  I happened to have a ziploc bag with us and actually brought home the used soap that we had used while at the hotel because I could not BEAR the thought that it'd be thrown away (ARGH I'M MY MOTHER!!)!  As for the other unused L'Occitane travel products that we brought home from that stay, I found myself using them slowly over the next few months when I really needed something nice.  Since I loved them so much, when it came time to ask for things for Christmas, I put it down on my list.  I received L'Occitane bar soaps, lotions, shower gels, and shampoo and conditioner.  Oh, happiness.

Let me finish by sharing a really nice website, Real Food Rehab.  I saw Dana Joy Altma on our local news a few months ago, and really like her message.  She is all about promoting healthy living through eating good, pure foods and practicing self-care.  I particularly liked her blog post from after the New Year, Ten Ideas to Make Your Life Better in 2010. 

Quality trumps quantity.  After I run out of my L'Occitane Christmas gifts, I may actually head out and buy some for MYSELF!  Shocker!

Your trip to Ikea

You've just moved to a new home, and finally have a free weekend day to head to the golden gates of the local Ikea.  This is no small task, considering that the local Ikea is, in fact, not truly local.  You join the glob of traffic heading into and out of the city, oozing inch by inch down 90/94 and onto 290.  You've lived in Chicago for 3 1/2 years now, and can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times that you've ventured into the suburbs.  And 4 of those 5 trips have involved Ikea.  You are armed with a list.  And you know you will be spending a lot of money.  Having this awareness brings you comfort.   

Over an hour later, you round the bend and are blinded by a blue and yellow aura emanating from the tall imposing building ahead.  Angelic music fills the car.  And before you know it, you are weaving your cart through the perfected floor plans and towering displays.  Halfway through, you stop off at the cafeteria where you each get the $1 meatball meal with a dollop of lingonberry jam on the side. 

As you are halfway through your meal you reach for your chapstick and realize that you acted a dolt and returned it to your work bag the night before instead of your purse.  You are stuck in the bowels of Ikea without chapstick.  As an individual who depends on chapstick as much as water, it does create quite a challenge.  You occasionally reach for your lipstick in hopes of it providing some moisturizing relief to your parched lips.  You begin to hope that you aren't turning yourself into Bozo the clown with your frequent applications. 

In fact, the absence of chapstick is the only dose of reality you have in the middle of Ikea.  You realize that Ikea is the suburban Chicago area's answer to the Vegas strip.  Inside Ikea, there is no time.  Your mind plays tricks on you.  You drove there in a Suburban, right?  A Uhaul?  By the time you reach the rugs, you and your husband glance at each other.  It is time to grab a second cart. 

Now both of you are winding toward the registers.  The lines are long.  You make the mistake of switching out of one line and into another, only to realize that this new line is actually longer than the one you were in.  A trick of the eye.  "Damnit!" You exclaim to your husband, who reminds you that you are in no rush.  Standing there, each of you with your own cart, you survey your collection.  "$350?" one of you asks.  "Hmmm....no, I'd say $425," replies the other.  You're both wrong.  $474 is what blazes bright on the LCD screen.  You're so harried at that moment, you don't even pause to consider the total.  Ikea has no plastic bags or individuals at the check out to assist with the loading of your cart.  As you move to the front of the line, a mad dash commences as you quickly unload the contents of your cart onto the conveyor belt, then dash to the other end of the register to collect the items and quickly throw them back into the cart.  The longer this takes, the more the items begin to pile up, threatening to fall off the table.  There is pressure from the people in line behind you, closing in.  While the cart had been carefully filled throughout the trip, now you find yourself haphazardly chucking your goods back in.

The rush of your departure from Ikea is far from over.  Ikea does not allow you to push your carts out to the parking lot to your car.  Rather, they have a pick up bay for cars.  You stand in the cold as your husband runs for the car, guarding the two carts that are awkwardly brimming over with rugs and baskets and a large mirror.  In front of you, a mother and her middle school-aged daughter are loading their car.  The back hatch is popped up and they are trying to pull down the seatbacks to allow them space to load the three boxes propped alongside the car. 

"I thought you said you knew how to do this?" the mother says to her daughter. 
"I did!" she replies, and starts hitting the back wall of the trunk, letting out a frustrated "Argh!"  The mother walks to the front of the car and returns carrying a book. 
"Okay, this is what we're going to do," she says, opening the book.  "OH MY GOD!" yells the daughter in exasperation as she realizes that her mother is looking through the car manual. 

At one point the daughter looks at you, and your gaze communicates your mutual helplessness in the situation.  By this time your husband is jogging over to take one of the carts down to the car, which he's backed into a space a few cars away.  You give the girl a sympathetic last glance and push away the beast on wheels.  The CRV appears smaller than you remember as you begin heaving your purchases into the backseat. 

And just like that, you are pulling away.  It is now dark out as you merge back on the expressway for the hour long trip home.  Thus ends your trip to Ikea.